Guess what, folks—1 is our pollution level reading for August 12. ONE! Yes, 1, sometimes known as the loneliest number. See, it even looks lonely in Chinese:

Where oh where has all the smoke gone? Perhaps I will check with esteemed authorities.

Weighing in hot and heavy in the authority department is the Sisikiyou County Agriculture Pollution Conrol Division: But let me say right off the bat, you’re doing a heck of a job, fellas—I’m feeling the control!

Come to find out, though, it’s just the wind doing the controlling: a stable, high pressure air mass has plunked itself over Northern California, killing the North wind and keeping smoke close to the fires.

In other words, the black smoke is only choking a few thousand folks in places here and there, like Happy Camp, California, nearest town to the Panther Fire. But, but, but, Camp weather officials are reporting “fog and mist”. ( Sounds like our weather officials have been taking tips from Beijing’s, or vice versa. )

Just how happy is Happy Camp on non-smoky days, though? Not overly, I guess. The town of about one thousand probably stands to lose at least half of its 195 sunny days this year due to fires. It has a -10.4% population growth and a -19.4% future job growth in the good times, though.

Good news, folks, there are jobs in Happy Camp! Right this very minute, you could sign up to be a firefighter, a locksmith in a correctional facility, or a National Guardsman in thirty capacities. A real go-getter, for example, could become a land combat electronic missile system repairer, a field artillery tactical data system specialist or even a multi-channel transmission systems operator-maintainer. If you’re looking for something easier to pronounce, there’s still the old standards: plumber, electrician, water-treatment specialist and indirect fire infantryman.

That last one really gives pause. Does it mean you stand in indirect fire? I wonder who chooses to be a plain ole direct fire infantryman these days?

Speaking of direct fire, I wonder how Beijing is fairing today under the watchful eyes of the free internet. Is the Capital of China foggy and misty today like Happy Camp, California?

Uh Oh! Official reports on Beijing’s air have people confused and muttering, too: What is that weird stuff blocking all my ancient views? Why is that nasty mist burning my lungs? Making my eyes itch? Is that gray stuff fog, haze or mist?

Jacques Rogge, president of the International Olympic Committee, reports in as usual: “It does not mean”, he explained, “that this fog is the same as pollution. It can be pollution, but the fog doesn’t necessarily mean that it is pollution.” Thank you, Jacques, now could you be a little clearer than smog, please?

Here’s what I think, folks: What’s so bad about getting scientific? What say we pull out those particulate matter counters like the one we use here in progressive Weed, California. Or, how about we employ some drone airplanes to go into the clouds and get a little accurate data?

According to Eoin O’Carroll (“What happens when you turn off Beijing’s pollution?”), that’s exactly what some folks are trying to do. A few scientists are realizing that a major urban center has suddenly put the brakes on its industrial emissions (factories, construction, vehicle emissions, spray can usage). Some are referring to Beijing’s monumental efforts to halt the man-made causes of pollution as the “great shutdown.”

One, like V. Ramanathan, a climate and atmospheric sciences professor at UC San Diego’s Scripps Institution of Oceanography is taking advantage of this singular opportunity. “He and his team are sending unmanned aerial vehicles into the pollution clouds that spread from Beijing and other Chinese cities. The flights take off from South Korea’s Cheju Island, about 725 miles southeast of Beijing, and fly directly into the smog plumes. The unmanned aircraft (drones) are equipped with micro- and nano-sensors that will gather information about the sun’s energy and the interactions between various pollutants and clouds.”

But, please, Mr. Ramanathan, while you’re at it, could you send a couple drones our way to find out about the Chem-Trails over Mount Shasta? I haven’t seen many since the lightning fires started, but there were quite a few back in May.

Happy ChemTrails,

Laura signing off.

p.s. Mount Shasta topped by chemtrails makes a nice sendoutcard for all those conspiracy buffs out there. Contact Chris for more information about sendoutcards and the opportunities therein. He’s the man!